I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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