every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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