Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
