forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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