Walk of Shame. In a state park.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
