it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
