I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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