quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
