the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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