i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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