its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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