i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
