I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A+ Viking dick
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
