They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
