i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
