getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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