then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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