thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
