One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
