Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
