She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize