I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
