You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
