Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
