New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
