Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
