Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
