Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
