Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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