I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
