you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
