I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
