Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
