that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
