I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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