he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
