who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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