Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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