I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
