tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
