Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
