I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
