who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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