so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
