Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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