I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
