it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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