Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So many bounce houses so little time
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
