dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
