hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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