I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
